The ability to connect with each other is being lost, argue the co-founders of The Beautiful Truth, Adam Penny and Elizabeth Smith. But rediscovering it could be the key to finding more meaning in our lives, our work and our civilisations.

This article first appeared in Issue 04 of The Beautiful Truth. Get your copy here.

Lost connections

At the end of 2023, the World Health Organization (WHO) declared loneliness a public health concern, equating its mortality effects to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

In the most hyper-connected era we’ve ever experienced, where we can communicate instantly with anyone, anywhere, loneliness feels like a cruel irony. We are living beyond the human scale. Renowned psychotherapist and human relationships expert Esther Perel aptly noted on the podcast Unlocking Us, “I have a thousand friends, but not a single person to feed my cat.” True, meaningful connection, tangible community and acceptance of each other’s failings, foibles and views seem to be at an all-time low – just when we need them the most.

The fabric of society

Civilisation thrives on meaningful connections between diverse individuals who may not necessarily know each other. Our societies have been built on agreed-upon norms, morality and reciprocity throughout history. It’s no wonder that something so fundamental has been taken for granted. As individualism and economic progress dominate our era, connecting with others is increasingly neglected, yet it is the one thing that brings significance, value and meaning to life.

Our interactions have become highly functional. We allocate time to ‘spend’ with friends, schedule ‘water cooler’ moments, and quantify love or ‘likes’ on apps. Our world is increasingly output-focused. What has happened to our ability to enjoy a moment or connection without worrying about its ‘value’ or the time we’re sacrificing?

Several societal trends have impacted our ability to connect authentically, and they are well known. An obsession with productivity, reliance on digital tools and social media, the pandemic, the breakdown of communities, increasing populations and rising loneliness have all contributed to making genuine, meaningful connections fleeting.

Meaningful connections at work

As citizens, we have roles in our homes, communities and workplaces. While these are defined spheres, our experiences often blend across them, and weak connections can impact all three areas. Particularly in the workplace, connections have sadly become commodified, losing their richness as a source of shared norms and experiences. Instead of fostering genuine interactions, the setting sometimes feels as contrived as a forced seating plan at a soulless event.

This challenge is particularly daunting for introverts, which we both are. For introverts, navigating unfamiliar social encounters, mustering energy for trivial conversations, attending conferences, and other forms of networking can be draining.

One way we both put connection above this exhaustion is to recognise that it still sits at the heart of our passion and work; from the micro-connections and empathising that goes into documentary-making to revelling in ideas and creativity from the teams we love so dearly.

When we consciously embrace the joy of interdependence, the effort required to connect authentically becomes secondary. And it is worth doing, it is worth slowing down to mindfully engage with others at work, because our work environments present a unique place to meet strangers, those different from ourselves, and have a conversation that might just provoke a different kind of connection.

It’s personal

So, what are we afraid of? Quite a lot, actually. Connecting with strangers is a deeply personal experience. It’s an emotional response we both crave and fear, and it’s inherently uncertain.

Talking to someone you don’t know can be a messy, slow process, reflecting the reality of life itself. We make mistakes, get tired, fail to express ourselves clearly and act more on emotion than on rationality. How many of us can truly connect with ourselves, let alone with another person? We might find a meaningful connection or we might not. We could meet someone who shares our values, or we could encounter someone completely different. We might experience social ‘flow’ or we might not.

Powering through the discomfort of exposing ourselves is worth it because connection is at the core of our existence.

Our fear of personal and social judgment often hinders our ability to connect. In David Brooks’ book How to Know a Person, he talks about honouring others by suspending judgment and allowing them to be who they are. This shift in mindset – seeking to understand rather than judge – can make a significant difference. This doesn’t mean losing discernment, but rather judging less. Nelson Mandela famously assumed the best in people when he met them, believing that by doing so, he was encouraging them to live up to their best selves.

Powering through the discomfort of exposing ourselves is worth it because connection is at the core of our existence and gives meaning and purpose to our lives. Fostering a genuine desire to hear and understand others’ views or experiences creates moments of true relationship. We can quietly ask ourselves: are we here to judge or to understand?